You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
