All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
