mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
