i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
