my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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