I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize