I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
