did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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