So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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