I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
handjob tips. give me some.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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