Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
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I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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