New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
