I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
