I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
