Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
