Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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