is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
