Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
