I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize