Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
