So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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