Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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