Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
