Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize