Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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