Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
