the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
please come you make the beer taste better
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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