So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
