i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
