just come out here and I will go home with you...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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