did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
