my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
