I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
