I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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