So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
