i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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