I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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