Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
