I just pynch a tree in the face
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize