He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
