Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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