I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
