You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
