Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am midnight drunk by noon
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
