well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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