If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
