Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
