My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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