someone get that fucking seahorse.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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