I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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