I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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