I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
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I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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