Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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