There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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