I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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