I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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