READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
