He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
send nudes
from the living room?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
