JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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