is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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