She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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