dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
