I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
