Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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