I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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