literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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