Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
