Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
