I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
