Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
