Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
