just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
