It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
