i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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