btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
