Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just want nice things and good sex
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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