so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
