next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
