OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
