I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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