no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
