the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
