why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
