You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
