Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
