I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So vagazzling was a success
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
