Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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