Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
