I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
