You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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