i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
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Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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